whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
