YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
