i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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