I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
