Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
