they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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