My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
