Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
