I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
