I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
