just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
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