I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
