Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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