dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
