the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
