Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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