If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
