ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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