Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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