Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize