drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
