well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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