If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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