My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
