Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
