guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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