why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
