So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
