I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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