No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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