Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
