i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
