I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
