after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize