We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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