i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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