God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
