If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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