This girl is more easily done than said...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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