Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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