I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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