Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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