we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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