There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
