i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
