Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize