Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
