My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
