Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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