I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
