i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize