Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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