I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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