we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
