So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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