I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
