we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
