we have officially lost it.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
