Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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