I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You are a genius and a whore.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
