I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
