Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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