Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
