i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
