Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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