i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
